day 7 day 8 day 9

Well, fuck a fat whore in the mouth. I accidentally finished the main quest….

Accidentally? How does one accidentally finish the main quest?

You first have to make the assumption that the main quest-line would be as long as any one of the side quest-lines. For example, the Thieves Guild quest-line took me significantly longer than the main quest. I didn’t want to go into spoilers, so I didn’t read that the second part of the main quest was a one-stop shop. I’m so empty inside…

Basically, without ruining the magical surprise, this is what happens:

You’re tasked with traveling to some remote place (via dragon). Once there, you’ll have to solve a couple of puzzles and head to another remote-can’t-ever-come-back-from place. The normal Skyrim “fast-travel” rules do not apply to this remote place, but the Dragon that takes you there makes no mention of this (thanks for the warning you fucking dick-smack). Thus once you’re there, you’ll be required to travel to the other remote place before you can get back to the “normal” world. If you don’t have auto-saving on (I’m never turning it off again) then you’d better save prior to taking your magic carpet ride. SRSLY. Also, the ending is lame. Not cliffhanger lame, but about-as-epic-as-church lame. FUCKASSWHORE! I feel like I imagine a substance junkie would feel if he suddenly learned that his entire life’s saving of rainy-day crack rocks were plundered by the Po-Po.

Overall the story of Skyrim was rather weak compared to Oblivion. You don’t feel as connected with the world. You don’t get the sense of “all hope is lost” as you do in Oblivion. Dragons, sure, people are scared of them, but the environment doesn’t change. In Oblivion, the skies darken and assassins start popping up in random locations. In Skyrim, dragons will attack a town, but it’s just one dragon and the guards can usually make short work of them. On the plus side, the Mage and Archer type characters are much improved, as is the entire combat system. On the down side, you’re not as in control of your perks or leveling as you were in Oblivion.The side quests are also a little underdeveloped. This is especially true for the Imperial and Stormcloak civil war that is escalating. Sure you get to win some battles, but these feel cheap. You can’t directly alter the outcome aside from the quest line. Your command will tell you “Clear out some enemy camps”, but this task is impossible due to the camp leaders being marked as “essential”. Rest assured, when you’re finished winning the war for your side, there will be no “V-day” celebration, only a very brief speech where you’re not acknowledged. Also, you learn to detest the methods of both sides, removing the chance that you’ll feel good about what you’re doing. Unless you like Nazi’s… then you’ll be fine. Both sides do Nazi-like things. The character acting in Skyrim is a little improved over the uncomfortable gayness you got with Oblivion (especially that scenes with the Blades and Martin, super gay not gay). The lands of Oblivion were easy to travel and had a lot of variation. The lands of Skyrim are mountainous and boring. A large portion of it is just snow… endless rocky peaks of snow. There are a few greener areas, but getting to the tops of the mountains (where many quest targets are) is a huge pain-in-the-dick. It’d be fine if you character could climb, but a knee-high rock is a major obstacle (perhaps he has osteoporosis, which leads to an immense fear of falling more than 2 feet). The ending battle is easy. Very easy. Much easier than fighting the Falmer (these jumpy elven creatures that are nearly invincible in large groups; basically they’re the equivalent of Goblins from Oblivion).

Health Information:

Post-Game Desk Photo:

This was the point that the garbage began impeding my mouse movement.

Some Stats (General):

Steam Overview

General Stats 1/2

General Stats 2/2

More Stats (Quest):

Quest Stats

More Stats (Combat):

Combat Stats (No. of Axe-rapes)

More Stats (Crime):

Crime Stats

More Stats (Crafting):

How many bitchin' things I've made

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