A: A blog documenting the long term effects of a 9 day Skyrim binge. It’s kind of like a journal, only not as gay.
Edit: Sorry, I meant homosexual, I know how offensive it is to use “gay” this way. Edit 2: Apparently homosexual isn’t any better. I now mean “EMO”.
A: The best video game ever made. EVER MADE. Also, it’s the next installment of the Elder Scrolls series by Bethesda. They also made Fallout 3, which was alright… I suppose. Certainly not blog worthy.
A: So I can remember these precious times, FOREVER… or at least until I’m too lazy to re-register the domain. Also, I have 160 hours of PTO (Paid Time Off) saved up… and I cannot think of a more perfect way to spend my vacation than being lazy and stoned off of video-game pr0nz.
A: I hope to obtain 154 hours of play time in 9 days. Which, out of a total of 216, may seem impossible, but I have chosen to use a custom sleep schedule for this event, observe:
20 hours on, 8 hours off. 6 hours for sleep, 1 hour for updating this here blog, and another 1 hour for eating, drinking, and, if my bowels so choose, pooping. Also, I may want to stand up every once in awhile to not be like that kid in China who WoW’d himself to death. This means that I’ll have 7.71 “custom” days. 7.71 * 20 (hours of playtime) comes to approximately 154 hours. Yeah, I’m fuckin’ ready. EDIT: I most certainly will have to do something for Thanksgiving. I despise turkey, yams, cranberries, and people. I have alloted 6 hours for this crap-fest. This means that I’ll begin my journey Friday night, and quit slightly early on Sunday. Still 154 hours. DO NOT LOSE FAITH!
A: Well, I did put over 300 hours into Oblivion. I accomplished EVERYTHING in that game. Closed all gates. All quests in an order that was non-mutually exclusive. (Played twice, for the alternate endings). Explored all caves (on PC even). Installed all the DLC worth while. And this doesn’t count the two play-through sessions on Shivering Isles.
A: 26. I need to get this out before I’m too old to abuse my body with sleep deprivation.Posted in day 1 Comment
Preparation, who needs it?
I do. If this is to be more fun than a clown on fire, I must make sure to prepare myself, both physically and emotionally.
Yeah, I actually went in for a checkup. By “went in for a checkup” I mean that I visited the chair with the electronic arm band that the obese cart-driving butter-balls are usually sitting in at WalMart.. pfff... at least I don’t use a cart. Also, as you can see, I’m quite healthy.
A dear friend of mine has her degree in Health and Human Development. Her assessment is this: Hazy, try again later. I suppose that means I can’t really fuck anything up.
To be determined.
Skyrim makes these things obsolete. So, none.Posted in day 1 Comment
A Chinese man, a Mexican, and a Caucasian decided to take a multi-cultural journey (perhaps to Brokeback mountain, which IS gay (it’s ok to use it here I think)). They decided to meet at a camp site prior to their journey. Whitey says “Mexican, you’ll need to bring the fishing poles. I’ll get some fuel, and Chinese dude, you’ll need to bring supplies.” After some time the Mexican comes back with fishing poles and Captain White comes back with the fuel. A few hours pass and there is no sign of the Chinese guy. Just as they’re ready to leave the Chinese dude jumps out from behind a rock and yells “SUPPLIES!”
AHAHAHA! Get it? Meh. Lame joke is lame.
My desk is completely clean. There is nothing on it that does not aid in dealing immeasurable amounts of pain to pixel baddies. When vacation time is over I imagine it will be filthier than
<redacted> some girl who takes money for intercourse.
I have to install Steam?
Q: What is steam?
GAY! See here: Steam (software)
Steam allows developers and publishers to change prices and restrict game availability depending on the user’s location. This can cause some games to cost more than retail prices, despite digital distribution removing the costs of manufacturing, packaging, design, and logistic.
Valve also restricts game registration and playability to the buyer’s country of residence. One example of this regional restriction can be seen where Valve uses Steam’s authentication to prevent boxed versions of their games sold in Russia and Thailand, which are priced significantly lower than elsewhere, from being used outside those territories.
Excitement Boner: FlacidPosted in day 1 Comment
The installation screen does not feature rotating banners? WTF?
Gone are the days of rich multimedia content during game installs. This is the cold hard truth of a world where Steam installations are commonplace.
Excitement Boner: Still Flacid
Update: The installation is finished! Well, kinda…. it’s been trying to install DirectX for
3 minutes and 24 seconds 5 minutes and 17 seconds now…
Now, Skyrim offers the same character choices as Oblivion.
Only this time, there seems to be pressure from “The Man” to choose a Nord. Well, fuck the man.
I’m playing the usual Argonian. Water breathing and disease resistance FTW.
You might be wondering why I dubbed thee “The Jizzard.”
Well, he’s an albino lizard with a shiny head. His head is SO shiny that it looks just a little bit like he’s been on the receiving end of a high-budget money shot. Maybe I’ve been corrupted by the interwebs, but I’m sure you can see the similarities. I mean, it’s not like you don’t watch teh pr0nz.
Excitement Boner: Half Staff (mast)Posted in day 1 Comment
So, as to not waste anyone’s time (video games are serious business), here’s a summary:
What I liked:
What I was kind of bothered by:
What pissed me the fuck off:
<redacted>somebody’s mother.) Edit: It turns out that stamina somehow improves carry weight.
Excitement Boner: Pack of MentosPosted in day 1 Comment
Character Shot:day 1 Comment